The last week has been extremely difficult. I’ve been getting attacked on all sides possible: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

 

Physically:

I’m currently taking 15mg of Prednisone each day to treat Sarcoid. The medication must be taken with food, and a few days I forgot to take them. The three days I did not take my medication I felt wonderful. I had more energy. I was able to sleep at night. I was able to focus on the tasks at hand.

At church on Sunday, I asked a doctor friend of mine about the Prednisone, and if I could stop taking the medication. It was strongly recommended I continue to take the medication. I started taking the medication again on Sunday, and have felt terrible since.

I struggle with insomnia worse than before. No matter what time I go to sleep at night, I wake up at 2am. After my 2am wake up, I am unable to fall back asleep till 5-6am. I have tried to make the best of my early start of the day. I’ve been able to read the Bible more, clean up the house, vacuum, catch up on my blog readings, even started going to the gym again (at 5:30am).

            I’m still so physically exhausted and the battle against the bulge isn’t going any better.

 

Emotionally & Mentally:

            The enemy has been on the attack, unfortuanately I must be the “person of the week”. I had an altercation with a friend Sunday morning. It took a couple hours for me to emotionally and mentally work through everything. By lunch time, I was fine with the situation and held no hard feelings against my friend. In fact, I even went out to each lunch with her after church.

It was after church the real battle started. Someone very close to me has started speaking negative words over my life. The first day or two I was strong enough to fight the fight, but my emotions are so broken down now. I don’t know how to fight anymore. This person keeps pounding me and repeating over and over “You’re an angry person”.

I’ve tried talking to the person. I’ve tried explaining how my emotions can be misread at times. What this person preserves as “anger” is actually the emotion of “pain and hurt”. Nothing I say, or do will change this person’s opinion of me. It’s a constant struggle to try and fight. To fight for whom I know I am in Christ. But, I’m not succeeding. Every day I’m told, I’m an “angry person” and I have “issues I need to deal with”. After this person beats me up, they continue on their day…. as if nothing has happened.

I’ve dealt with rejection most of my life. Since going through Cleansing Streams two years ago, I have made significant progress. I was able to come out of my shell……. In the last week I’ve retreated back into my protective shell. I don’t know what else to do. I keep calling out to Jesus for help. I keep putting one foot in front of the other, but I’m so discouraged right now. I just want to sit and cry.

 

 

Spiritually:

            The only thing that has been a bright light has been this song. When I sing this song I feel the arms of God surround me, and am reminded who I am in Christ. As soon as the song ends, the battle begins.

            I first heard this song sung by Rick Pino during a broadcast of the Florida Outpouring. It also has a special place in my heart because I love flowers. Right now I’m working on putting in a massive flower bed. Yesterday I spent approximately 5 hours planting over 100 bulbs which will produce beautiful flowers in the spring. I still have another 100 bulbs to plant on the other side of my walk way, and a new area to plant Iris’ which have been past down to me from my Grandmother.

Lord, I pray you give me the strength to continue to fight the battle I find myself in. May my heart of worship grow stronger during this time. May I come to rely more on you, and less on myself. May I always be conscience of the word I speak. May I speak words of life over my life and those around me. Take away any negative thought and mindset I have. Make me more like you.